remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
