This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
