where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
