I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
