M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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