Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
