i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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