I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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