Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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