Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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