He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
