Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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