Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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