i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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