Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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