you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
