I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She is in my trunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
