dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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