we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
