My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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