Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
