Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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