organizing the empties. That sober.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
