what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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