dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
