Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
