i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
