i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
