had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
