cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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