Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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