Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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