Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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