I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
