I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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