her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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