Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
