Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
