oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
