I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
