I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
