bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
