just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
