that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
