I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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