If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
