Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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