i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
