In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
