Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
