I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
