he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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