isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
