'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
