Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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